Hello folks!

I thought it was about time that I told you a story, a personal story about myself. I used to be that person in a motorboat that found it mentally challenging to be in any type of boat. I even remember one year when Tim and I were celebrating our wedding anniversary. We hired a boat for the day in the Norfolk Broads named the “Admiral”. We went for this boat on the River Waveney because it was their most stable with the least amount of rock.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." - Robert F. Kennedy

I had a go at being the skipper and loved it! It brought about a sense of calm for me. Although I distinctly remember, almost hitting a couple of kayakers, I was mortified as I didn’t want to knock anybody in the water. I managed to stop the boat just in time! It was then that I remember telling Tim, “You’ll never catch me in a canoe”.

Yearning to canoe

Since then, I started to look at cars that whizzed past me with watercraft attached, such as canoes and kayaks which excited me. I don’t know why but I was almost jealous. I always loved the water and the idea of watersports, even though I couldn’t swim and had never been out of my depth in water before.

I think it was the idea of taking a paddle craft on the water and having an adventure that I began to crave. Whenever I thought about it, I would try to think of something else because I was being silly, it was never something I could achieve, it was something unrealistic and unmanageable to think that I, someone afraid of deep water, who couldn't swim and uncertain of canoeing and my ability to learn the skill, could ever actually be a canoeist.

When nobody was looking, I spent hours reading different blogs to try and understand what I was feeling, why and if there was a way that I could overcome my fear, although I was never really certain.

One day, in a different year, around July time, I went camping in Houghton Mills Waterclose Meadows Campsite in National Trust territory with Tim and our tiny dog (you see, we only had one dog at the time).

Banksy feasting down on doggy ice cream for the first time

Tim didn’t know, but the reason I picked the campsite was that it was next to the water and near to a small hire paddle-boat place, I was intrigued to have a look.

I am incredibly fortunate to be happily married, but even now, if something makes me nervous and excited, it doesn’t mean I can tell people about it straight away. Sometimes I need an hour, a few hours or even a few days to be able to express myself.

Making progress

Tim and I and our dog, Banksy, went out for a short walk, and on the way, I led us past a well-known place where you can rent watercraft, “Houghton Boats”. I said to Tim as we looked over at the canoes glistening in the sun on a warm day, “I would love to do that, I wish I could”.

Tim asked how long I had been feeling like this, so I opened up to him and told him that it’s been a few years and that this was one of the reasons that I had brought us to this campsite.

Tim was encouraging and supportive, he suggested that we went out on the water, and I said that I wasn’t ready.

I am a larger person and one of the things that concerned me was the weight capacity of the boats. As we walked past the hire place, I saw a man with the boats and asked about the weight capacity. In a kindly way, he explained that the weight capacity wouldn’t be an issue in a canoe, and then invited me to get in the canoe and take a seat. I told him I was nervous, but I didn’t quite tell him the extent of my situation.

I thanked him for the offer of sitting in the canoe, but I said I wasn’t ready. He offered us to go back any time he was there and he could help me with my nerves. He said we didn’t have to go out on the water, we could just sit in in the canoe.

As Tim and I walked back to our tent Tim was encouraging me to go and sit in the canoe. I cannot explain the fear and excitement I felt but I can tell you it is extremely difficult to do something when your mind is telling you, you can’t do it. When you are very fearful of what could happen, especially when you can’t swim and it doesn’t matter that you’re wearing a personal floatation device/buoyancy aid/life jacket or if you can’t swim. Your irrational mind tells you that you could sink and drown. Then you start to sweat, your heartbeat quickens and you take shorter breaths, leading to a slight loss of concentration.

It is time…

We walked back to the boat rental place, and I spent around an hour talking to the man and being reassured. I plucked up the courage, and he talked me through how to get myself into the canoe and just sit there.

I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT - I did it! I was sitting in a canoe!

I didn’t stay in for very long, perhaps 3-5 minutes.

I was over the moon with my progress. He offered to take me in the canoe with him paddling just around the corner in the shallow section, but I gratefully declined. I just couldn’t do it.

Anyway, we enjoyed the rest of our evening and I told Tim, tomorrow is the day, I’m going to go out on the water for the first time, tomorrow! Of course, I did not sleep that night. I was too busy worrying about all of the things that would go wrong…What if I fall in? What if I can’t get in? What if I hurt myself? What if I cannot get out? Etc.

True to my word the next day we took another walk. We went down to the place where the boats were and the man was there. He made a suggestion of where we could get some cakes as a treat afterwards: “Tom’s Cakes” in St. Ives. I’m so glad he told us about them! They are some of the best cakes I’ve ever enjoyed in my life! Whenever we are near the area, we always go back!

The river is waiting…

As I was still so nervous and aphrensive, he suggested that Tim and I hire a punt for an hour instead. This seemed like something I could manage, but it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t like it might be for other people. I couldn’t just get into the punt and go off for trip, it took another 30 - 45 minutes for me to get into the punt and then the nice man took us into the shallow area and then when we were okay, he hopped out and Tim and I carried on.

When I was able to control my breathing and sit and look at my surroundings, I was in awe of the natural world. I couldn’t believe how close to the water I was. The big trees with the green leaves hanging overhead almost seemed unreal. Everything looked so different from the water, so much more beautiful. I felt an array of feelings including being proud of myself and being sad because I couldn’t take the canoe out, which is what I really wanted to do. I felt this change in my soul, it was like a part of me awoke and from that moment on, I knew something in me had changed forever, I became obsessed with the idea of kayaking and canoeing.

My life had changed forever

Every time I was on my phone, people didn’t need to ask me what I was doing. I would either be reading an article related to canoeing, watching YouTube videos or talking to people about my desires.

Looking back now, I don’t look at it as failure anymore, well, I don’t use that terminology. I look at it as a step, a stage in my journey. It’s ok that I couldn’t do it then, I did my best and it may not have been what I wanted, but I did try. I look at where I am with my journey today and I feel enormously emotional. I think the hardest thing for me was actually opening up about my feelings to those I love.

For those of you who might be reading this, who maybe haven’t been out of depth in water before, can’t swim, or perhaps went canoeing a long time ago. I want you to know that you can canoe! You can do anything that you put your mind to! It just might take time. I hope that sharing my experience with you brings you comfort, to know that you are not alone, and I hope to inspire you to get out on the water!

It’s not a cliche; canoeing has changed me and my life forever.

What about now?

If you are wondering what I was like at the time of writing this blog in July 2023, even to this day, I still get nervous and excited about canoeing. Those closest to me might not have noticed, but before I go on a paddle, I tap the side of the canoe with my hand to connect with it, I take a deep breath, and I open up to those around me with my thoughts and feelings. I have learnt so much since the day I first sat in a canoe, but I still have so much to learn and experience, and that’s all part of the fun, isn’t it!

Look out for a future blog where I talk about the time I did my first canoe trip when I almost threw up due to my nerves. And Joe (from WalkMyWorld) wouldn’t let me turn back. Sadly, we didn’t film it, UK Canoeing had not been born, but I have lots of photos to share and a story to tell!

Wishing on a dream

Lastly, I first sat in a canoe on 27th May 2022. From that day, when I had left the river, I had a new dream…a dream that one day, I would go back to the place where it all began to do a canoe trip with Tim.

It only took me 3 months to pluck up the courage and head back to where it began, and within that time UK Canoeing was born. We filmed it this time, check out the film below, which I conquered on the 29th August 2022.

Read my blog about my first ever canoe trip, which was paddling on the River Cam: It’s Time: My First Canoe Trip.

As always, happy paddling!

Claire

Facing Fears: My First Time In A Canoe